"Oxygen (is Bitter)" - Poem

[Seamus]

Oxygen (is Bitter)


Cold and complacent,
Content just to look at you
Struggle for air, head deep in dysfunction.

Hopeless adjacent,
Hard enough to see you through,
Hell and high waters, just to keep this up again.

Please don’t mistake this for love and compassion.  It’s only fair that you know why I’m here.
Please do not take this with grain or reject it.  Living isn’t living when it’s done out of fear.

Now that you’re well,
We can be on our way,
Until you grip another poison, we’ve no reason to stay.

“There’s nothing to tell…”
In your words today,
Because of your decisions, we’ve nothing to say, so

Please don’t mistake this for love and compassion.

---------

let me know what you think.

[Mobile Suit Bunny]

-raises hand for the poetry-despiser muster-

That being said, I do like your rhyming scheme, though the import of the words makes me feel all creepy (What can I say... I'm a Nice Guy[tm])

[Lady Serpent]

The rhyming does indeed sound good when it's ringing in one's head.  I picture ex-lovers in this situation, or mabye friends who's relationship has been tainted.  Either way, effective language.

The one thing that pushes me away from really appreciating how this one reads is the flow of the syllables.  That's often my most common critique of poetry, but I find that unless there's something to catch onto, even if it's a random scheme, it's hard to get into it.  This one has moments that seem to jive with syllable count, but there are a few spots that just seem to have too many words.  This was the one that stood out solidly as being wordy: 

"Until you grip another poison, we’ve no reason to stay." 

Alone, it seems fine, but in the context of much shorter and smoother lines around it, it seems clunky.

Otherwise, fantastic linguistics once again.  It's always a pleasure to read your work.  This one have plans of becoming a song?

Cheers,
-Lady Serpent