A growing problem

[Blue Woof]

We have all known couples, friends and even a few married furs out there.

I dont know about any of you but Im still single. Never had a girlfriend ever in my life, and thats the problem. There are lots of girls out there and Im sure if I try I could find one, but I really dont want to settle. I want a girl who likes furry things just as much at me, but they are so rare and also one that would be right. I see everyone with there girlfriends, mates and partners and.... I jsut feel so left out. So alone.

Am I the only one here who feels that way? Is there only one soul mate out there for me that i am supost to meet or is it my choice?

Lately the feelings have been getting stronger and I am filled with emptyness. I wonder if I ever will find love, if lifes worth living alone and why to push on. the only thing I keep coming back to is that I live in a place where there are few furrys and even if there were many who could be sure I could find one just for me.
I find no joy where I used to and have found only a few reasons to live on. I also keep getting thoughts of dying in different ways.

I want peoples opinions and advice. what do you think? tell me. Im tired of holding this all in and I need to talk.

[PyroVulpes]

First of all, welcome to the club. Meetings are every Tuesday and Thursday at 7, byob. But seriously, I know exactly what you're talking about and feel almost exactly the same way.

As for soul mates, I don't believe that everyone has a pre-made soul mate that they're supposed to find. Rather, when you find someone whom you get along with and are attracted to, you work toward improving the relationship. There will be sacrifice in any relationship, but if you find that you're sacrificing significantly more than your partner, then the relationship will never work out. 'Course, I may just be talking out of my ass here, considering that I have zero experience in this area.

However, I do have some legitimate advice for you: find a hobby. Personally, I drown my sorrows in gasoline and video games. Since fuel prices keep going up, and computer hardware isn't exactly getting cheaper, it gives me a reason to get up every morning and haul my ass to work. I dunno how artistically inclined you are, but writing and drawing are excellent ways to vent and express yourself.

[Benjamin]

Being single definitely isn't an excuse to off oneself, sorry. When you find the right person for you, it'll all make sense. Thing is, you can't stress yourself over it. It's very unattractive to be all pouty and whiny over being single. People pick up on that vibe and it tends to make one rather unsavory. It's like self-pity and hardly anyone likes being around those that are wallowing in it.
 
Anyways...
 
Relax.... You'll find someone when you least expect it. Just keep your eyes open to the signals of someone showing interest in you.
 
Benjamin

[Seamus]

You can't go looking for love, you just have to be the absolute most wonderful being you can, and love will find you.  That doesn't mean sit around and wait for it though, waiting for it is what creates that hollow.  Waiting is what turns the love inside you dark and tainted.  You just keep going through life enjoying every second of it that you can, and love will find you.

and just a bit of advice.  Someone will love you for who you are, not what you like.  So don't let furry play the lead role in your relationship or it will almost definitely sour on you.  It'll play an aspect for sure, but not the only one.

[PyroVulpes]

It's like self-pity and hardly anyone likes being around those that are wallowing in it.

What about emos? (Sorry, not helping, I know.)

Just keep your eyes open to the signals of someone showing interest in you.

The problem is, I've been told I'm completely and totally blind to such signals. Unless someone tells me point blank exactly what they feel about me, I'll never figure it out.

[Orcus]

You know what Those above speak the truth. I my self feelt he same way you do and often wonder my self if one for me exhists. You ahve to take life by the balls and run with them, speaking from experiance I didn't. IN stead I focused on my school and work adn totally mised everything. Now am I paying for it. In fact I just got home form the bar having had to much to drink and ending up in side my own world.

Don;t let that happen cause its trap you  will have a hard time escaping. I am now having to play catch up and it sucks,

[Blue Woof]

Thank you for your advice guys.

I suffer from depression so I need these talk every now and then when I all into dispair.
This has encoraged me and although I agree with almost everything said being a furry is just one of of two things she simply has to be. All the other girls that arnt into it wouldent understand it and Im afraid if she wasent one and we did get together I might be atracted to another girl who was into it and that would cause a lot of conflict and problems.

Its nice to be able to hope for things like that and I already have a lot of hobbys, games, drawing and music are the most notable. as we speak im doing a drawing right now and will submit it soon.
 I beleve the give and take part but when you come in contact with so many people who just meet and it was love at first sight... you sometiems wonder if there is such a thing as soul mates.

Say who has a mate or girlfriend at the moment? how do you know its the right one and not just a crush?

[Aurifer]

"All the other girls that arnt into it wouldent understand it..."
Don't say that. There are all sorts of things to be into, and for each of those things there is a smaller mass of people who aren't into it, but do understand it and encourage it in those who are into it.
What I'm saying is that you'll find people who know what furry is, and who'll accept it in you, even if they aren't furs themselves.

I'd say a great deal of your angst is that you're trying to find a girlfriend because everyone else has one. Don't let that grip you so much that you'll jump for someone you really don't like just because she'll be your girlfriend.
Meet a bunch of people, and you'll expand your 'pool' of personalities surrounding you. You'll find a great many more friends, and some that might become more than friends.
Basically, be happy. Everything comes.

[Garbo]

my wife and i have been together for a LONG time (16+years), for me it was love at first sight.  i wanted to fall down on my back and get my stomach scratched from her.  She took a while to warm up to me, my furryness, and bad habits.  Love is like life, you don't know what is around the next bend, so be ready for it.  any other questions you would like answered, just PM me.  This oldfur has been around lots.

[Aaeden]

One of the hardest things to find is not so much someone who is furry, or someone who has the same interests as you, or someone who has the same habits or quirks as you. One of the hardest things to find is someone who is open to life. I am fortunate to have one partner who is VERY open to life, and another who is working her way into it. By being open to life, I mean open to everyone and everything in it. They don't see people as abnormal or weird or unusual, just different. They have a willingness to welcome everyone in, because they are their own person, and are just as much an adventure as anyone else.

How do you know someone is the one? You don't really, and that's the hardest part. Walk into a relationship for the sake of a relationship, not for the sake of finding your only true love, because if you do, you're going to be writing people off without considering them in the slightest. Don't be picky, and don't push yourself to only look for that one person, because you'll miss out on a lot of awesome folks.

Hobbies, common interests, and events are great ways to meet people, and all it takes is an ounce of courage and a little bit of interest, and you'll find someone who likes you.

[Ayres]

I'm with Seamus.  You can't expect love to just jump into your lap and announce itself. 

I dated a guy that I thought was the love of my life.  We broke up and I wallowed in my missary for about 2 years waitting for something to just find me.  When I snapped out of that and got some sence I went looking.  I found him, and tomorrow we move in together.  Its just a matter of time.  And i know its frustrating to hear "When you find her you will know".  I can say from what I have experienced, I know I have found him.

It sounds weird, but try a dating site.  Thats what I did.  Benjamin I hope you don't mind me plugging another site, but www.plentyoffish.com  I know a lot of people who found their mate using the site, including myself.

Good luck, and I hope you catch a big fish.

[Aaeden]

I'm pretty sure Benjamin won't mind, especially since its an element of your story.

I would be careful of dating sites, personally, as there are a number of people out there who are less well-intentioned than you or I, and you can never really tell of their intent until you get to know them better. I would recommend being safe about any attempt at using such a site, and making sure that you spend time on the internet, phone, or even doing webcam convos before EVER giving personal information or arranging a meetup, and preferably arranging a meetup in a public place the first time or two.

Use it as a tool just like any other, and see what you can find. Good luck to you!

[Matterwolf]

I don't have much experience but I must agree that you have to find love and not let it find you. Go out to some social events and wear a smile. A frown or a stern look could scare off your possible soul mate. You also shouldn't really limit your matches, I mean sure you can look for another furry so you don't have to take the chance of being rejected, rejection could even happen if the other person is a furry too. Non furries can be understanding too and quite socially lax.

I'm not saying that this next advice would work but limit how much you tell your date/companion about your furry life-style: too much information in one burst could potentially freak someone out. Ease them into the idea of what a furry is, heck , they may have a "quirk" as well, or they may be a furry as well, just hiding! If you give someone information about you, almost no matter what, if you take it slowly, the chance is greater that they'll except you.

ya I remember being the same about 2-3 years ago. Apparently some girl was hitting on me and I didn't know till like 10 mins later when I left the place. And my friend told me the girl was hitting on me and pointed out all the signs. That is when I realized it xP So there is a handful of us "slow" folks out there :3 its like the whole there is a arrow in the FedEx logo which takes ages for some to figure out.

OMG! I had no idea that the FedEx logo had an arrow in it! I had to look that up on google images! That little bugger was hiding wasn't it!