My Furry Poems

[AlanTabby]

Poems I wrote some years ago when I was just beginning to re-accept my furry side after years of doctors/parents sayign how bad it is...I felt so alone & scared during that time, but in the end I couldn't hide the animal behind the human & I became the being I am today.  Hope ya all like them or at least can see the meaning within.

NOTE: Poems were written before I lost control of my wolf self & moved to using just the feline as a way to proctect my sanity & prevent physical harm to anything *sighs* someday someday...  also, the poems switches between being female & male cause I'm odd like that.



I wonder why?
Why is it that my shadow only looks right when I’m not me
When I’m not that child sitting in a classroom, surrounded by others
My shadow tells it all
I’m only myself when I add what’s missing
So simple a thing, yet….
I’ll never have it,
Never shall I be whole, never to be real
I’ll always be lost in a world not my own
Those little things, that little thing I want so much
Those little things that makes my shadow reflect my inner self
The boy that should have been
A pair of fluffy feline ears and a swishing tail
 

[AlanTabby]

My Lupine Self

I want to die
Not because I’m depressed
Not because I’m suicidal
Not because I’m unloved
Just because I’m not the me I am
I don’t see my mirror’s reflection
I can’t see it
I’ve tried and struggled to forget her
The female in my mind
Her gnashing fangs
Her wind ruffled coat
Her piecing eyes watching me as prey
I see her image overshadowing each of my actions
I smile and see fangs and a rolling tongue
I run and see four racing legs, fur billowing around me
She’s everywhere
I can’t escape her
Because she’s me and I’m her

I want to die to be her
Because someday accidentally, I’ll be her and they’ll cry and scream
Because they can’t understand her
Her needs and reasons
They’re not a person’s reasons
She is herself, not any person’s, not any society’s
She’ll get me imprisoned
I’ll be forever without her

Her four legs carry her faster then me
I can never escape her
No matter the pills, the doctors or whispered advice
She’ll always be there
That’s why I need to leave
To die
In this world I can’t be her
She won’t be accepted
I know that and cry
That cry becoming her mournful howl as she’s denied
I’ll die if I attempt to be her
A girl like me can’t be a female like her
I’ll die in pain, but in victory because I was her for a few months
I’d rather just die right away and be born again
Be her without the false image
Be her totally, in body and mind
Able to run, to hunt, to mate
To be with my pack
To be her without dieing

I know all this
Yet I’m still here
I can’t die
I want to be her, but unless they kill me
I won’t
These tears come because I’ll always be alone
No matter what I try, no matter how close to a pack I come
No one is like me
I’m broken and nothing breaks in exactly the same way
I’ll be the strange girl in the corner writing poetry that no one ever reads
Crying inside and outside, hiding behind her hair and whispered growls and perfect schoolwork
All the while dieing
Because she is that girl and not that female inside of her

[Tiger_Dusk]

here is one of mine during the dark times...

Who I Am

Darkness surrounds me like a snakeing cloud
It bites my soul with each passing day
The venom courses through my veins, throbbing in every direction of my body
Sweet sweet death where are you?
Death would be a far sweeter prize than this
I am a spirit with my lips sewn shut
My eyes blinded, and left in the dark
Hands from the past keep comeing out of the ground
They wrap around my ankles and bring me further into the ground
I grip the ground with all my might to keep from going under
Everyday I wander around aimlessly, no destination in sight
I fall and then I fall again, battered and brused
Pain is a constant companion of mine
It sits on my shoulders, weighing me down, and peirces it's sharp tail through my chest
But there is no blood, I've wept it all out
My failiures and disappointments are so sharp as they brush themselves against me
Left to drown in the endless black. This is who I am

[Tiger_Dusk]

this is probably one of my most angry... and insaine poems... my mind was being cut in away i was kind of a "mental emo" cutting in my mind every day, wishing i could just fade away. I used to question if i was gonna live the next day, every day for 5 yrs... because of the stupid mistakes i made and expectations i couldn't ever meet

Insanity of What Was Once Human

Insanity slowly seeps through my veins
My eyes slowly grow dangerous with every passing day of agony
I become crazy, slowly, it slowly drips from my head through my body, down to my feet
Like black honey, blood black honey
My fule, people's ignorance, stupidity, and goddamn carelessness
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
My laughter is that of a mad jackal
Ready to lash out and tear flesh with my teeth
Boring into my slowly reanimating brain
Hatred lives and wraps around my soul, in happy binds
Locked in a room pacing back and forth, no window, and no door
Cannot die and cannot live, Insanity!

[AlanTabby]

 I've felt like your poems too, though in a different way *nuzzles & twines tails with ya* definately love reading them hun.



Here's another of mine. It tells bout me finally casting off my human bonds as a teen & re-awaking my animal of childhood. I was kinda akward writing this I think. The wording wasn't quite right,so I tried to fix it....


I wonder why
For years I followed a path
One day it was decided I could no longer run it
(By who? Not me!) No…
That I had to abandon it for my health
No…
Shortly, I lost all memory
No…
Of that lovely time
Of soft bodies and smiling faces
Of running on pack beaten trails
And hiding in shadowed dens
With the pack curled round
No…
Suddenly that was no longer a desire

Time passed
So much time, time I didn’t even realize had passed
Again one day, everything changed
Patterns and words came flowing back
Unwanted, they returned seamlessly
As if they never left
Is this what an addiction is like?
Yes…
Is this why even the scent of smoke causes cravings in smokers?
Yes…
Is this why people continue with their addictions and illnesses?
Yes…
Why they live?
Yes…
Because it is how life should be, how the day should run
The words in our minds, those which should be spoken even if incorrect?
Is this my addiction?
This freedom, this spirit which I can’t abandon?
I’m still amazed
Five years disappeared down the drain without even a whisper
I’m back where I started
And I don’t know if I want it to end…

[Tiger_Dusk]

*hugs you close* we'll never be there again, i promise on my stripes.