Voyage

[DogboyShugo]

This is a song I felt inspired to write today. I consider myself a song writer. They're a lot different then the writing you hear on the radio. When i write songs, I lean more towards the Japanese type of style. Their lyrics have a lot more meaning in them and that's what I like ^_^. I'd like to hear some feedback about my song. There's always room in the future for improvement ^^
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On our way to a distant place
We left our worries behind
And looked on forward

Filled with so much excitement
For a new life to begin
We caught ourselves in a fight
Which felt like the end

Let's progress ahead
Through this journey together
No matter where it leads us
Our future is with each other

With all that nonsense in my mind
It was over between you and I
"Please send me a sign"

If only there was something
To separate the tension
From the prior words you said
To my depression

Let's progress ahead
Through this journey together
No matter where it leads us
Our future is with each other

The memories that are with me
Are the signs that I received
I know we can get past this

Shed off our argument into the distant breeze

Let's progress ahead
Through this journey together
No matter where it leads us
Our future is with each other

July 16th 2009
(C) Cody Wright (Shugo Hanasaki)

[Wotan]

It's a rather tricky, mixed meter and rhyme structure you're using, but it works in its own way.  Almost seems like it wants to pull itself into a terza rima form in places, but that's a challenge with the need for repeated chorus sections.

[DogboyShugo]

It's a rather tricky, mixed meter and rhyme structure you're using, but it works in its own way.  Almost seems like it wants to pull itself into a terza rima form in places, but that's a challenge with the need for repeated chorus sections.

I don't always go for rhyming structure. With a lot of my songs, I just write whatever pops into my head. What do you mean by the mixed meter and it being tricky? I just want to know ^^

[Wotan]

What I mean is that in all forms of structured poetry, whether they be stichic or not, and whether or not they follow rhyme structure and/or meter, there is always a pattern thread in the piece that can usually be picked up when you try to recite the piece.  Some poems are trickier than others for that.
  In yours, that thread is hard to find, and it actually breaks in a few places, and needs to be found again.
  That's what makes it tricky.

[DogboyShugo]

Oh, I getcha.